Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
