she smelled like a LAN party
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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