I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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