Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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