when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
