He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
