Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I think weed is turning my hair brown
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
