she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize