i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We're too hungover to prance.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
