just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
