Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
