She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
