Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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