I look better un-naked...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
