Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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