Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize