he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he shaved USA in his pubs
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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