Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
