Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
