you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
