i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
