Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
