Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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