I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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