dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
