Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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