Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
