Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
