A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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