Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
