Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
