paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
we made out on top of his cat.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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