if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
