So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i think my cat just said my name.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
