My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Operation Purity has been aborted
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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