I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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