So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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