I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
