If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
