are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
