Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
