it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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