So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
