I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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