Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
