I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
