All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
