People in love make me want to vomit
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
