i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
