I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
