What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
birth control should be required to get into college
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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