so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
