i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
