Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
