i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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