We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
sarcasm needs its own font
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Randomize
