What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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