She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
