I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
