woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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