Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I think i got beer on your cat.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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