He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
