And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
