Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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