if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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