Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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