Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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