He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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