Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize