And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
