I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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