So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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